ThinkEdem Blog

It’s just strange. I see people around me. I see their lives and their relationships. Usually I can give them the advice they need. I see them from outside and can tell them where they might be wrong or where should they change something. And usually it helps – sometimes it helps a little, and sometimes it saves.

I just can’t help myself. I can’t see the solution, I can’t see the approaching mistake I need to avoid, I can’t get myself to change, and so I make the same mistakes all over again.

But I think I have told about this earlier. Gosh, am I really that boring?

This year will either turn out to be my best so far, or the bleakest for my close friends and relatives. In so many things I’m giving myself last chances. No, don’t ask, I won’t tell, or else it wouldn’t matter. I don’t want them to come through because this is my last chance – I want them to happen because they ought to. It’s just if some things don’t happen this year, I give up and refuse to accept them later.

So, 2010, better give your best, ’cause I’m counting on you!

Facing one’s past is risky at best. Old shit can hurt again, and sometimes good memories can hurt even more. Today I was in a byronic mood to begin with, and started to read some Poe short stories, when I found a letter in the second volume. You see, I got both volumes as a Christmas gift, from my then-girlfriend. She wrote a love letter to the second one, and now it hit me in the face.

Not because it wasn’t good, but because it was something really precious, but I’ve lost it, and right now I can’t see if I’ll ever find anything similar.

This week isn’t that fine so far. I was to meet Birkás today (well, yesterday… on Tuesday anyways) and spend the afternoon together, catching up, doing fun and having my floor thrown by chinese noodles, but she couldn’t come after all. On Wednesday we were to have a small Guitar Hero party, but we can’t, because all participants have an excuse. (Not fake excuses either.) I was to send my mom’s shiny new mp3 player back to her, because she got one for Christmas, but that was defective and I took it back to the shop, and got a new one, but that broke down as well, so I’m to take it back again.

But things are not that bleak – so far I was able to do my job kinda well, we’ll have an office meeting on Thursday (ending up in beer and food in a pub), and I decided to go out on Saturday and have fun. Well, if my throat stops being sore in the morning. Yes, I know, tea with honey and milk. (Actually, that will be thyme tea with honey, and hot milk with honey, thank you very much.)

The new year has came inevitably, and we also had our second palindrom date in a thousand year (the first was in 2001, and the one before that would have been in the early 1300′s, but people used a different calendar back then). I thought I start the habit of having new year resolutions, but then I settled for some small goals which I might or might not be able to reach this year.

First, I want to learn to play the guitar. I know I can’t be a Van Halen in a year (Hell, probably not in a lifetime), but I should be able to learn to play some easy songs.

Second, I really should learn the basics of a second language, be it Spanish or Swedish. This might cause some problems, because I’m not sure I’ll have the time and energy to do this along the previous goal. We’ll see.

Third, I shall sort out my personal life. There are things affecting me that shouldn’t, and there are things that should but don’t. I know I won’t be able to do this alone, and I know noone that is willing to help can help.

Fourth, I must improve my work ethic. My personal life mustn’t affect how I do my job, and I mustn’t let myself be deterred by small unimportant things while at the office. I should improve my knowledge on what I do, and I should practice to solve the problems faster than I do now. This also means studying.

Fifth, monetary improvement. Not just finding means to improve my income (e.g. temp jobs at weekends and such), but to control my expenses as well. When the new 200Ft coins were introduced in Hungary, I started to save them: each time I got some for change, I put them in a makeshift piggy bank. In a month I saved almost 20.000Ft. Cooking for at least 4-5 days a week instead of eating out will help too.

Sixth, my blog. Lately I just posted seemingly random songs and lyrics (which, I must tell, were never random, they always stated my mood and feelings). I started writing in English to improve, and copy-pasting won’t help much. Also I should sort out my homepage, and start covering the subjects I wanted to – namely, boardgames and computer/console games I play, books I read, movies I watched, devices I tried. Also, I wanted to run two series of articles, one on linux for beginners, the other on HTML and basic PHP programming for beginners.

Seventh, I should exercise. I lost some weight recently, but not because of sport. This should be more important, but right now I need the others more, and the day is still only of 24 hours.

Eighth, I should read more. There was a time when I read at least one book a week. Now a book takes a month, because I only read on public transit and on the can. There’s a lot of books I want to read, but apart from the lack of time, I also don’t have the money to buy them. I want to buy the Liveship Traders trilogy and the Tawny Man trilogy from Robin Hobb (preferably the Bantam books/Spirit edition, since that’s the version of the Farseer trilogy I have on my shelves), the rest of the Discworld series, and the books of Neil Gaiman and Jenő Rejtő I don’t own yet.

Ninth, because there has to be nine, and this time the ninth one rule them all (and in this blog post, bind them) – time. I can’t manage time well. I spend too much time trifling with some needless shit, and then I don’t have time for things I want to do.

I know the New Year resolutions should be decided on New Year’s Day, but bear with me.