ThinkEdem Blog

Tonight I planned to go to sleep at latest at 10pm.

I planned.

My dad started to play his stupid cardgame on their PC since 9pm. Since my parents’ PC is in my room (“There’s no room anywhere else…”), this cancelled my plans. Were I to ask him to stop it so I can go to sleep, he would have yelled at me and scolded me for me not letting him use the PC whenever he wants to and such. (When it’s about what I can do, it’s their flat, and not my room… when it’s about tidying, it’s my room. When I’m saying I can’t do shit while half of my room is crowded with their shit, then I should be more tolerant.) At last, he looked at the clock and realised it’s 11pm already, he said “woah it’s late” and turned off the PC and left.

Guess what he said before he left.

“You should go to sleep too!”

Fuck.

I finished moving, both ways – my blog, and me as well.

Moving the blog wasn’t without complications – I had to reupload every images -, but now it’s functioning, and for a while there’s a redirect from the old url to here. Of course, the RSS won’t work, those who read me through an RSS reader, have to re-add me, though I don’t know how will they know about the change…

The other moving… I’ll post about it when I’m at home.

Guess that’s all. I grew tired of always whining, and then just killing the spam comments. It doesn’t make a change at all, I’m not becoming better of it, and nothing will ever change, so… guess that’s all. Prolly I’ll shoot some videos or musics or lyrics or stuff from time to time, but nothing serious I think.

I just want to rest.

I haven’t posted too much these days, because… I don’t feel to. There are a lot of things happening… some really good ones, like everything about Ida, but mostly just bad things. If I’d heard those things happening to someone else, someone dear, I’d be scared to death. Like, I just realised I haven’t really eaten anything today, except some peanuts while watching Firefly. I’m simply not hungry. And it’s not the first day in the last month, nor the last one. I just don’t feel like to post shit to a blog where 95% of the comments are spam (I just don’t approve them…).

I just don’t feel like to continue something so empty, barren and useless…

This post will be emo, depressed and angsty. On a normal day I’d just slap myself for it. Those who can’t bear to read yet another emo journal, close the window now.

I got a job… in Esztergom. Payment is according to the national civil sercant wages. In short, before anyone would send their congratulations: I have a crap job paying less than shit in the town which makes me physically and mentally sick. I’ll have to move back to my parents’ place, where I won’t have a place where I can sometimes be in myself; where I kinda don’t have anyone to visit or drink a beer or sg with; where I’m still treated as a fuckin 6 year old when it’s about what I can do, but a 50 year old when it’s about what I have to do. Where I do have a room but I don’t – I can sleep there, but if they rearrange my stuff so I can’t find anything but they can put ten of their books there, I have to even be thankful.

If I have to spend there four months, someone will die. If I have to spend there a year, it will be me.

Batteries not included.

Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it

I have a friend in England whom I’d love to visit, but there’s less chance for it each day, since she has a terminal illness. I have a friend in Denmark, whom I’d love to visit, but she asked me not to contact her by any means, and since then I don’t know if she’s even alive. In Denmark I have another friend, whom I’d sure love to spend some days, but she has some illness too and unless I learn danish there’s no way I can talk to her IRL. In Holland there’s a nice girl having really serious troubles whom I’d like to help, or comfort, but of course I can’t. In Hungary I have a friend whose life is falling apart like shards of a venice mirror hit by a siege tank. I wish there would be a way to get all of their misfortune, sickness, illness, bad things into me. I’d die of it, and I’d die happily.

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