Archive for August, 2007

…why can’t it end already?

Friday, August 31st, 2007

Of course my parents arrived home when I was to go to sleep. Of course they had to enter my room. Of course they didn’t give a shit about the turned off lights, and me being under the blanket. Of course they had to poke me with stupid questions and of course they had to ask the same questions at least 6 times even if my first answer was “I don’t know”. I don’t know, maybe they thought I’ll answer differently for the 6th time?

I think I would have answered differently for the 7th time, but I doubt they would have liked it. Noone likes “Fuck the hell out of my room at last will you?”

Friday 31

Friday, August 31st, 2007

After my previous post I decided to take an early leave today, I guess it’s obvious. I thought I’ll catch on with some sleep – I slept only 4 hours today, I’ll tell the reasons in a separate post -, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I thought I play Guild Wars, but I had to download a long patch, and by the time it finished I wasn’t in the mood to play GW anymore, and I was in time to catch a train home. The underground I took stopped at the next stop, and the driver announced that it broke down and asked the passengers to take off and get on the next one (‘Dear passengers please leave the train, because this bloody fucking shit is soooo well maintaned.’ he said). I caught the train, I bought my return ticket from the  – and realized the ticket price was raised, and so I didn’t have any money left for a local bus ticket. I called my parents if they could pick me at the station by car, but they said they are going to celebrate the nameday* of my brother’s mother-in-law, so they can’t, and I told then it’s okay I’ll walk. I tried to sleep on the train but a fucked brat was shouting all the way in a really nerve killing way – had he approached me armlength and shouted, I think I would have bitchslapped him. At last they got off, I could sleep a bit, of course my mom called me (thus woke me up) just to tell they will come, if I go where they are. I told her AGAIN I’ll walk home, they don’t need to come, and I told I won’t go there today I’m not in the mood, and I hung up the phone and went back to sleep. I arrived to Esztergom and started to walk when my mother called me again and asked where I am so my father can come pick me up. I told her where I am and told her he mustn’t come. I shouldn’t have told her where I am, but I was still half asleep. She told me I should wait there I told her I won’t and he mustn’t come and hung up the phone. Ten minutes later my father stops next to me with the car and tells me to get in. I REAAALLLY needed it. Sure. Eh fuck.

(And now my beer has gone too, someone must have drunk it… )

*nameday: in Hungary we celebrate not only the birthday of a person, but their “nameday” as well, which is a set day (or several set days) in the calendar. Mine (and every Adam’s) is on the 9th September and 24th December, for example. Peters have about 6 namedays. Each person celebrates only once a year though.

Countdown…

Friday, August 31st, 2007

The CEO of our company decided to close the IT branch, because of financial reasons. I have a 30 day notice from 1th September. Csaba will start a new company and practically continue what we’ve done, but it’s not sure he can employ me from the start.

Considering I skipped applying for a job recently because I trusted the steadiness here… I think this would be the best time to hit myself with a hammer. …nah, I’m not gonna hurt myself, don’t worry.

So… I have roughly 30 days to find a job. This should be a good time to start somewere else, i.e. abroad, but right now I have obligations I can’t leave behind.

Right now I don’t know what will I do. Only thing I know I won’t do is giving up, or to start sobbing in a pit – those wouldn’t do any good.

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(Sorry Mantis for stealing it from your site…)

Come and get it

…and nothing else matters.

Friday, August 31st, 2007

…explanations later…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgiGrXpOhYg

…or watch it here ▼

So close, no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters (more…)

Over the veil

Friday, August 31st, 2007

This week was really tiring, I still need to think it over what really happened. I was very often over the veil – you know the feeling, when you’re tired, your eyes are tired, and things keep leaving traces behind. Like, you pass a lamp post and you see 3 vertical black lines.

I think I go to sleep now.

Fisher King

Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

Parry: Did you ever hear the story of the Fisher King?
Jack: No.
Parry: It begins with the King as a boy–having to spend a night alone in the forest to prove his courage so that he could become king. While he was standing there alone, he’s visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail, the symbol of God’s divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, “You shall be the keeper of the Grail, so that it may heal the hearts of men.” But the boy was blinded by greater visions, of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement, he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible…like God. So he reached into the fire to take the Grail. And the Grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire, to be terribly wounded.
Now, as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper, until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn’t love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die.
One day, a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. Being a fool, he was simpleminded, he didn’t see a king, he saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, “What ails you, friend?” The king replied, “I’m thirsty. I need a some water to cool my throat.” So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water, handed it to the king. As the king began to drink he realized that his wound was healed. He looked at his hands, and there was the Holy Grail that which he sought all of his life! And he turned to the fool and said in amazement, “How could you find that which what my brightest and bravest could not?” And the fool replied, “I don’t know. I only knew that you were thirsty.”

Step by step

Monday, August 27th, 2007

I’m fully aware that I shouldn’t try to bring the past back. I still love her an she’ll always be a part of my life, but where’s my part in my life then? Always waiting for her sounds romantic, but it kills a man quite fast. I’m tired of always thinking about ‘what if she’. It’s time to move on. Actually, it was time to move on ages ago.

Still, I can’t. I’ll always try to be there for her, even when she doesn’t need me. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I want to move abroad, and maybe she’s one of the reasons I haven’t already.

And now there’s Annelie. She would come here from Sweden (had she enough money for the tickets) just to meet me, and if we like each other, who knows? From what I know about her, I would like her – but is that enough? And if it is, for how long? Can I let her take that risk? I know myself, I’m really unbearable and untolerable sometimes. I know it’s her decision, but Sweden is not in the close neighbourhood and travelling here isn’t cheap and easy. And, if we don’t like each other that well, probably just a waste too.

I usually don’t let my friends pay for a coffee, how could I let her pay for those tickets?!

My life’s complicated, but kinda empty. I’d gladly switch it for an easy, but full.

Carnivore Cassie

Sunday, August 26th, 2007

When I say I haven’t written anything for years, that’s a bit stretching the facts. I did write something indeed – however it’s just a bio for one of my Guild Wars characters, Carnivore Cassie, the Necromancer. I’ve only posted it on the [PB] guild forums, now let me copy it here as well. It’s not really good, but it would do as a small bio story. (The story contains Guild Wars lore related elements…)

× × ×

Carnivore Cassie Cassandra was always a gloomy little girl. The other children never liked her, except for Tome, who always protected everyone, so she always tried to hang out with him, and his best friend, Murdoc – but Murdoc was really annoyed by her. One day he dared her to get the knucklebones of Old Mad Gareth from the catacombs, and she ran off sulking. Murdoc thought she’ll leave them alone at last – but she went right off to the deepest dungeons. She was eight years old.
Of course she got lost. After six hours of wandering she already gave up on the knucklebone, and she just tried to get out. She was hungry, she was tired. But afraid she wasn’t. Somehow she felt safe. She felt as if she’d been at home. And then she felt she’s not alone. And she wasn’t. When she turned in at the next corner, she met two suspicious men. Surprisingly, her first reaction wasn’t to run away, but to ask what the men are doing there.
Apparently, the two men was a man and a woman: Oberan the Reviled and Mistress Munne, who was scolding him for his suspicious experiments. She immediately saw Cassie’s natural talent, her mystic attunement to the dead. She took her home, and had a long night’s talk with her parents.

When she started her studies in the Necropolis (a small and avoided wing of Ascalon’s Old Library And School), the other children felt more distant, and their loathing were now accompanied by mistrust, fear and envy. She changed her name to Carnivore Cassie (one of the common nicknames other were calling her), so she wouldn’t bring shame on her family’s name.

Ten years later she felt she learned everything she could from the library, and she seeked Munne’s audience to take the Test of the Necromancers. Munne was proud: not only Cassie was one of her best students, but (despite how the others always taunted and hurt her) she never turned to the dark path of the necromancers. Through her studies with the dead she learned to respect life. After passing her exams (with perfect score) Munne was sure she’ll also seek Mhenlo’s teachings as well – but instead she headed off to Althea. Later she explained: she spent so many time with corpses of the deceassed, she wanted to study how the living people think. She wanted to know what lead the others to fear her knowledge.

To fund her new studies, she accepted a job at the local cemetary. There she also talked a lot with Mhenlo too. He was quite impressed – even though he thought they both look at the life from the opposite way, their ideas and views wasn’t that much different. Her studies beneath Althea were prosperous too – though she never could be as good as those who chose Mesmerizing their primary path, and her lack of experience with living people and social life made her enchanting skills a bit slower, she was quick to learn and she began to notice how her own spells can benefit from what she learned.

Though their ways has separated, she never forgot who started her on her journey, and when she heard about Tome and Murdoc joining the Vanguard, she also seeked audience with the royal guard. Unfortunately, she never met them again. Tome and Murdoc sacrificed themselves against the Charr, when the fire came down from the skies.

Countless were the deceased, and limitless was her anger and hatred against the Charr. After her parents’ funeral, she immediately joined Ascalon’s remaining forces to try to drive the Charr out of the country – but despite of the small victories they achieved, she had to see Ascalon is hopeless. When King Adelbern cast away his son, she joined him – and the rest is history.

GW:EN

Friday, August 24th, 2007

It’s Guild Wars: Eye of the North preview weekend. I’ll post later.

Gwen

On Paprika

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

Today (or, by the time I’ll probably finish this post, yesterday) I’ve watched Paprika, the anime I’ve mentioned before. I have mixed feelings, but overall it was a really good movie.

“Don’t you think dreams and the Internet are similar? They are both areas where the repressed conscious mind vents.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFYUS-5AWGE

…or watch it here ▼

And now the spoilerous review.

Show spoilerous review ▼

Those who doesn’t like anime, won’t like it because of this one. Those who can’t stand watching cartoons should skip on this. But those who don’t mind it’s an anime will have a great time with this piece.

I risk this was the best anime I’ve seen this year.